One Woman’s Story
I knew after my first Kundalini Yoga class that this yoga was for me. I was so excited when I learned a new well respected teacher was moving to the studio.
His name was Ram and his classes were awesome! After class students would gather around and ask questions. It was such a special time. One night after class I asked Ram if he could help me with a health issue. I explained the problem was with my uterus. He told me his wife had a similar issue and he had been able to help her with massage and he offered to help me.
He told me to come to his home in the evening. This set off alarm bells in my head. I thought “No way I’m going to get a massage alone with him at his home!” So, I told him I was not comfortable going to his home. He assured me there was nothing to worry about and that he thought I trusted him. He said he saw in my aura that I had problems in relationships with men, and this was related to problems with my uterus. I felt that he knew me so well.
I could still hear that voice in my head but I wanted to heal. Also, I didn’t want to disappoint him. I felt special that Ram wanted to help me.
So, I started going to Ram’s for massage and breathing treatments. Once while I was in deep relaxation, he started massaging my breasts, saying that the ida and pingala are stimulated this way and it would have a balancing effect. He said if I let go of my resistance, I’d make quicker progress. At first I wasn’t so sure but the more he massaged, the more I relaxed.
Then his hands moved downward, beneath my underwear, and that was too much. I sat up and told him, “I don’t want this type of massage; it’s going too far and doesn’t feel right. [pause] His response was so calm . He said, “Remember that we have a trust,” and that he would never hurt me. He said it was my ego and fear that were resisting and it was time to surrender and be healed and finally able to have a healthy relationship with a man.
I decided to trust that he was right and let him continue. I silenced my inner voice and listened to Ram as he told me how to focus my attention and breath. He started to massage my genital area, adjusting my uterus and helping me release my fears and stress. I placed my trust in him and I felt my fears melting away.
Within a few weeks this led to intercourse. He said I must not tell anyone about this part as they wouldn’t understand. He said he was sacrificing his marriage vows for my healing. He said my aura showed much healing was taking place. I was so grateful that he cared so much for me to provide such a deep healing in a selfless manner. I believed with all my heart that his love for me was a higher, selfless love and I was honored that he wanted to help me.
During this time, I was taking yoga classes with other teachers and felt a connection with Juanita, a senior teacher. I confided in her about how the treatments I was receiving from Ram and how it had helped me. She was shocked! She said it couldn’t possibly be true and accused me of seducing him! And worse, she said I was lying about it all. She asked why would I ruin his reputation?!
I immediately fell into shame and felt completely alone, and that it was all my fault this had happened. I should’ve been clear from the very start and never have tempted him by going to his home.
Soon rumors began to spread at the yoga center. People were saying I was neurotic, a liar, and had tried to ruin his marriage. Juanita had told Ram of my so called “accusations” and he said I was completely crazy and making it all up! I couldn’t show my face there anymore. I was so devastated and wondered about my own sanity. I stopped my yoga practice and was depressed and self-destructive for months.
Then one day, Juanita called me to apologize, saying she was sorry for not believing me. Four other women had come forward with similar stories about Ram, and she now knew it was all true. I burst into tears. Oh God, it felt good to be believed at last and I couldn’t believe I had allowed this to happen. Yet I felt so violated, betrayed and guilty, all at once.
[pause]
We later found out that Ram said all of us were liars, and that he would never sleep with us, calling us crazy and stupid. After looking into everything, EPS concluded that Ram had seriously violated the Code of Ethics. In order to prevent any harm to other students EPS and KRI permanently suspended Ram as a teacher and teacher-trainer.
As for me? I’m grateful that others won’t be hurt the same way I was. But my hurt, my hurt feels like it will be with me forever.